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July 25, 2010

The Power of a Good Apology

2010 has been like an episode of Men Behaving Badly.  Famous men doing terrible things.  Each time, we wait for an apology and then wage our bets to see if words can make up for bad behavior.

  • Now ousted-CEO Tony Hayward of BP had this to say before Congress in June, referring to the explosion and subsequent sinking of the Deepwater Horizon rig, “They never should have happened — and I am deeply sorry that they did…My sadness has   only grown as the disaster continues.”
  • We could too-easily reference Tiger Woods’ famous apology to his wife and family for a pattern of infidelity.  The press conference included friends and family at his side but not his wife or children.

In each case, lives have been ruined and moments of self-centered behavior have led to untold pain.  We feel like rubber-neckers who are driving by accidents on the freeway.  I’ve even found myself asking, “Don’t they realize the pain they’re causing?”  Apparently not.

Here are some observations about the power of a good apology:

  1. To apologize is to be human. No one is above or exempt from saying they’re sorry.  I recently neglected an important anniversary in the lives of two people I love very much.  No excuses could be made and a deep and enduring apology ensued.  I felt awful.
  2. To go beyond it, own it. This involves deep introspection and you have to reach a point where you look in the mirror and admit that at least part of the problem is, well, you.  Own it and move on.  Accept full responsibility- it’s the only way.
  3. Follow up with concrete actions. A personal note, flowers, gifts, and more are all good starts but it will take much more to amend a wrong committed against someone else.  This could take weeks or even years.

Through all of this, the wise perspective of Stephen Covey still holds true,

“Remember the emotional bank account—similar to a bank account, you can make deposits or withdrawals from each of your family relationships. Make a conscious effort to make meaningful deposits in your relationships. When you make a withdrawal, apologize and correct the mistake.”

As you go through your week, starting each day with some devotional time, focus on being fully present where you are.  This is truly “practicing the presence of God” and will ultimately lead to a more fulfilling and honest life.

*Photo by Dave Keeshan

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July 19, 2010

Tips for a Cool Vacation … at Home

Since the economy went south more and more people have skipped the expensive trip and opted to stay at home.  It’s easy on the wallet and often good for the soul.  It taps into that concept of sabbath which is too-often ignored, even by the Church.

A wonderful quote on sabbath is from Dorothy Bass:

“Sabbath keeping is not about taking a day off but about
being recalled to our knowledge of and gratitude for God’s activity in creating
the world, giving liberty to captives, and overcoming the powers of death.”

That’s heavy stuff and even though I have my Master’s in theology, I’m so practical that I look for what makes for a good staycation.  The fact that it is also good for my soul is added benefit!

So what makes for a good week at home?  I can tell you that for years I had no idea and as a result spent the week putzing around and not enjoying myself.  By the time I would get back to work, I was almost relieved to be done with vacation.  Sad but true.

Now, I try to put a few things in place which seem to work well for a weeklong staycation:

  1. Announce that it’s still a real vacation. Colleagues at work can too easily think, “Oh, he’s just at home this week, we can call him.”  I’m always available for emergencies but don’t really want to be interrupted by folks from work when I’m off, even if I’m at home.
  2. Put some anchors in the ground. Try to plan out 1-2 small but meaningful excursions that will put an anchor in your week.  A day trip is perfect for this.
  3. Limit your media. I take a total media unplug (see: What I Learned from a Two Week Media Fast) once or twice a year but during a staycation, I tend to keep plugged in to Twitter (are you following me yet?) and some blogs.  Just lay out an agreement with yourself and then follow it during the week.
  4. Be ok with small wins. If your goal for a staycation is to read all day on Monday and go grab a smoothie on Tuesday with a friend, great.  There are no set rules except those that you draw up with yourself.  Small wins (see Perfecting the Porch Sit) are perfectly cool during a staycation.  Be attentive to small things and remember that the point is still to recharge your batteries.

*photo by zwww

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July 15, 2010

Podcast 13: Prayer and Productivity

In this cast we compare prayerful people to those who really get things done.  I outline 12 attributes that I think both people have in common.  Enjoy!

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July 14, 2010

How to be Prayerful and Productive

As podcast 13 is currently in production, here’s a teaser for its content:

how is prayer similar to productivity?

I’ll be sharing 12 components that I think both exemplify quite well.  Here are the first three:

  1. Repetition: just as the monks, prayer is so repetitious that it can become tedious.  A key is to keep it fresh through small calibrations and adjustments.
  2. The hope needed to start again: sure, you can beat yourself up if you miss a day of prayer but it’s much better to dig deep into your well of hopefulness and start again.  Hope becomes very active in this way.
  3. Simplicity: talk to God/listen to God.  That’s the essence of prayer.

How can you be more prayerful today?  How can this spill over into your productivity?

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July 12, 2010

And the Loser in the LeBron Sweepstakes is…

11 million of us watched LeBron James make his decision last week on ESPN.  He chose the least exciting place to play- Miami.  It’s not that Miami isn’t lovely but that it’s safe and predictable.  After all, the team there already has two superstars.  What’s the challenge in that?

We learned that LeBron James spent seven full years in Cleveland, almost an eternity in today’s NBA landscape.  Then, he picked up his toys and headed elsewhere.  The last I checked, Shaq has played for five, count ‘em, five NBA teams.  No one will argue that he’s a surefire hall-of-famer.  Let’s remember too that LeBron is 25 years old.  Can you remember decisions you made at just over a quarter of a century of living?

Sure, he could have been more professional like Kevin Durant, announcing his contract extension (only $83 million) via Twitter.  And yes, I would have loved to have seen #6 in a NJ Nets uniform but hey, the Turnpike is still the Turnpike after all.

Sadly, the real loser in this situation is Dan Gilbert, owner of the Cleveland Cavaliers.  Here’s an excerpt of his comments to Cleveland fans the night LeBron announced he was turning down $30 million extra in order to play for another team:

“If you thought we were motivated before tonight to bring the hardware to Cleveland, I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our “motivation” to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels.”

Does this make future players want to go to Cleveland?  Who wants to work in a setting where the boss throws you under the bus five minutes after you leave?  Again to reiterate- Cleveland had LeBron for seven full years and did not put a 2nd big scorer in place to augment LeBron.  Who’s fault is that?  Even the GM, Danny Ferry, quit prior to the LeBron debacle.

In an almost funny sidebar, The “Reverend” Jesse Jackson has weighed in, criticizing Gilbert’s comments as racist.  While I’m not sure that Jackson has any, read it, any credibility as a morality policeman, this only adds to Gilbert’s disgrace.

If you’re going to lose, do it with some class.  Take a lesson from Gilbert and do the opposite.  If you have talented people who work for you, treat them well and prepare for the moment when they just might want to play elsewhere.

*Photo by Keith Allison
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July 10, 2010

What is Cognitive Surplus?

I enjoyed this talk from Clay Shirky on Cognitive Surplus at a TED conference.  We talk often on The Daily Saint about co-creating with God.  This creative “gene” in all of us is potentially world-changing.

Watch what Shirky says about the space between doing nothing and doing something.  Could he be contributing to our conversation?  See what you think.

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July 9, 2010

Productive Parenting

One could be a productive parent in a number of ways.  My friend and his wife have eight healthy children.  That’s pretty impressive.  A neighbor with only two children, now grown, has built a family culture in which both kids and their kids arrive each Friday night for pizza and a movie.  That’s productive as well.

I was at the my town library the other night and my 9 year old signed up for an event later in the month.  As I was supervising the other little ones, I witnessed something amazing and gave myself an invisible pat on the back.

My child was writing herself a reminder note.  I gave her a look and she said matter-of-factly, “Dad, how else will I remember this?”  Simple as that.

What are you trusting to remind yourself (and maybe those around you too?) of upcoming events or actions?

*Photo by dmachiavello

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July 7, 2010

Podcast 12 is Live!

Have  a listen to my commentary on the latest post about to-do apps.  And the winner is… well, you’ll have to listen to find out.  Enjoy!

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